Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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