My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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