I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
