imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
