Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize