morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
