I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
