I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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