I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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