I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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