i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
