We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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