Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This baby is an asshole
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
