You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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