Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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