sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
