So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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