new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
