Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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