I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
