I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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