My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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