i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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