I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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