I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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