On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
