You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
