My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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