Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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