Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
