Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
