pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
