loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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