I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
