You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The best revenge is premature balding
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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