Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
