Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
