now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
