her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
