he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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