the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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