On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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