I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
