So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Found the puke drawer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize