rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she looked like the before picture.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
