I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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