What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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