If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize