Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
