well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
