Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
