Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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