When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
should my penis look like a turkey
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
