I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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