Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize