roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
