Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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