a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize