Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
