I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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