if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
