i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
