I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
