you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
