so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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