i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
