1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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